Image: Clock (from 1684 by Christian Ackermann) on the wall of the Church of the Holy Spirit in Tallinn Today, September 15th at midnight I stepped out from Tallinn Airport and bent down to touch the wet asphalt - after four years, one month and one week I am in Estonia again - my homecountry and the beginning of all my journeys. Nobody expected my coming, not even myself. Hard to believe that adventuring to the furthest point on the world map for several years and mostly by land and water, one could take such a leap reaching the start point in only thirty hours.
My expiring passport had directed my eyes towards this horizon already in April travelling Argentinean Patagonia. Going anywhere else had become simply impossible: one is required to have at least a six month valid travel document to enter Japan, Australia or U.S.A. - the closest countries to Argentina where I could have made a new Estonian passpirt.
The door to Estonia opened slowly but surely. Tiiu Bolzmann, my Estonian friend in Argentina organised a small fund raising event and added the rest to buy that plane ticket. Thank you all who contributed, especially Tiiu for the longest ride of my life - 12934 kilometres (Buenos Aires, Argentina - Sao Paolo, Brasil - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Tallinn, Estonia). I have kept a journal of all the rides I hitchhiked since July 2007 when I first stepped on that road - the circle closed with a round number of altogether 600 rides.
To compare the feeling with something? - Waking up from one long and incredible dream that seems to have changed everything. Literally.
I open my eyes and see the surroundings different - the room has been renovated, there is a new lamp on the ceiling, and I think the ceiling as well is new. Yet I am sure I used to live here, there is even my photo on the shelf, only that I cannot see my things. The cactus in the pot is the same as before, but it has grown a lot. I go to the window and look out. There used to be a pond where I would go ice skating in winter, now instead I can see children`s playground.
Where is my brother? He does not live here any more? He did before. He has a car and drives to where he wills. He works and studies and lives with his girlfriend in an apartment close to the center of town. He picked me up in the airport and we went to the country house. We never went to sleep that night - talked and walked and drank tea till it was six in the morning. I learned that the apples in the garden still taste the same. Then we drove back to town.
Now he is here and we try to figure out the game of Mah Jong I had sent him from China. When I see us like this so many memories come back, and it feels that nothing has changed - we are still children. Yet he is twenty seven today. It is his birthday. Perhaps it is also mine.
I can see my mother too. She is so happy. We hug. Usually we do not do that. She has lost weight, her hair is different, she has aged. Perhaps so have I. I look in the mirror - to me it is the same face as yesterday, yet how would she perceive it?
We go for a walk - there are many buildings and shopping centres that I do not recognise, others I recall but vaguely, not sure if they are new or not.
We are in the Kadriorg Park. There are many people and they speak Estonian language, all the signs are also written in Estonian. I listen and understand, I can also read and speak. It is no longer a secret language. One million people have a country - they were the heroes of my stories I told when far away. Then it sounded like a myth - most people had never heard of such a nation. Now I am walking among them.
I recognise a young woman in the crowd - Jaana! She was my classmate and best friend in school. She is with her husband and their son will be four already. I realise that time has passed! Where have I been?
Away.
I go to sleep and I dream I am on the road again.
8 comments:
Nii ilus :) Head kodusolemist!
Karina, kullapai, kas Sa jääd nüüd Eestisse või mingi hetk taas teekonnale? Väga-väga tahaks Sind näha! Olen 4.-5. oktoober Tln-sse tulemas, võiks kokku saada! :-) Soojad kallistused!
Hea Siiri, olen Eestis kuni 20. oktoobrini. Natuke on aega. Saaks meeleldi kokku! Meilime, mul telefoni ei ole. Kalli!
You are so brave to go home! That seems like a silly statement but it isn't always easy to go back. Perhaps Estonia will in some ways feel as exotic and new as Alaska used to? Good luck adjusting, I know it can be hard because I came back last month. Will you have an address for long enough that I can send a letter?
Besos!
Hola Carina, me alegro de que hayas regresado a tu hogar. Te felicito, espero que hayas encontrado todo bien, tu familia, tu casa, tu ciudad. Siempre te recordare por las experiencias tan bonitas que pasamos.
Un abrazo.
To Carina:
I am merely a visitor in my country, for am hoping to continue the journey as soon as I get my papers done. Although I enjoy meeting my family and friends, my home, I feel, is still on the road. Estonia does feel exotic and far away, yet at the same time familiar and close - a special place I will remember. But I don´t want to adjust nor settle. My captain is patiently waiting and so am I.
Para Juan Carlos:
Si, estoy en el inicio, en mi tierra, en mi hogar y por un tiempo puedo disfrutar de los espacios que conozco desde mi infancia. Estoy reconociendo a mi familia, a mis amigos, y a mi misma. Pero esto no es el fin del camino, para nada. Todavía no me voy a olvidar ni el castellano ni el sueño de siempre seguir hacia el horizonte. Quisiera volver a encontrar con usted un día. Desde aquí puedo ver muy bien que el mundo es redondo y que todo es posible!
Hi Karina, I was curious whether you'd gone home. It seems you did. Nice story of being there. Did you return to Argentina and Chiloe after that? I kind of fell in love with a place called Cochamo, not far from Puerto Montt. Take care.
Michael from Holland
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