EXISTENTIAL

Option One: Follow the Sun
On the road there is only day and night, morning and evening, sunrise and sunset - what happens between these determins the traveller's path. There is no past, no future, just the moment to walk, to hitch a ride, to travel faster or slower embracing the unknown. Distant from any plan, only the present exists.

Nights bring thoughts of worry. Always. So what if in all the journey years, months, weeks, days, there has been a safe place for me to rest before another hopeful morning. Still nights bring thoughts of worry.

I watch the weather and look at the clouds. Is there a chance to have my things dry, or will it rain? Where would the night catch me? Is that the crossroad where the driever would leave me?

A starry night, perhaps it would be cold, but at least dry. Do I have enough drinking water to brush my teeth? Is my tent hidden well enough for no-one to disturb my dreams? A sigh.

Option two: Follow the Plan
My days are so different now. There exist weekdays and weekends, days when Claudia comes to clean the house, days that I go to town to get groceries, or to visit friends. On Sundays I go to mass. I still watch the sun and the weather change, but now it is from inside a warm house.

Raindrops are beautiful if they do not make you wet

That same place a month later...

Only the sky changes and the wind comes and goes

... I stay

I cannot sleep on the bed. Have tried and failed - too soft. I am used to sleep on the ground, to use some clothes for a pillow. This has not changed even if the house has two big beds to choose from. So I strip the the sofa from its cushions in the living room and only that way can get a good night rest.

I called Nanne today and said I was coming on Friday. This sounds like a plan. Would it actually work? The other plan to bake bread worked...

This morning's bread project was planned since two days...

Monologue

So maybe making plans
is not a nonsense after all.

- But that is not the question.

Was that not Shakespeare?

- To be or not to be...

-Who then?

- A sedentary or a nomad...
with whatever their lives have to give?

- I would not take,
hence challenge the change
and limit me not by a name.