PERMISSION TO LOVE

From a letter to my Mother (Translated from Estonian):

Puerto Williams, Navarino Island, Chile 

12-02-2015 

They say that human cells change every seven years. 

Seven years on the Road have taught me a lot,
Loneliness has become my true companion.
To abandon it is an important decision- am I really ready to cross over that doorstep?
Would I know how to share my life with someone else?
And more so - could I, a woman of the Land, become a woman of the Sea?
Would my cells have changed enough?

From Mother`s Reply (Translated from Estonian):

Tallinn, Estonia

14-02-2015

People are not meant to walk alone, we are a flock and made to have a family. Those who deny society are many, as it can be a harsh, dishonest, complicated and an offensive world. Yet alone you do not have peace in your heart, even if you can explain very well why you escaped. Your soul is fragile and vulnerable, you can be easily offended. Nature is your best friend because the sky and a world without men is honest.

 From a letter to my Father (Translated from Russian):

Puerto Williams, Navarino Island, Chile
12-02-2015

I saw a strange dream. In that dream you were of very high age, looked tired, almost asleep. I came closer and called you. You opened your eyes and there was light in them. I asked you to bless me. You did. And then I asked you to bless my marriage. 

From Father`s Reply (Translated from Russian):

Tallinn, Estonia
14-02-2015

To bless. None of my children ever asked permission nor blessing. Neither did I - just told my parents the situation as a fact. I guess I was young and foolish.  I am trying to understand the meaning of the word "Blessing". These are kind words or words that bring good. And I would sincerely like to wish your family to be happy and united, and for all members to understand one another. I feel tears coming to my eyes as I write this. Build a new world! What it will be like, depends on you. I feel as if I were a part of that dream now.

From my Brother`s letter: 

Soma Bay, Red Sea, Egypt
18-02-2015

Saw you in a dream situation. It was short. In the end your eyes were wet. You said I shouldn't (be able to?) see your face. Don't know whether it was from sadness, happiness or embarrassment? It was short and strange. So what's up?!

 My Reply:

Puerto Williams, Navarino Island, Chile
18-02-2015

I am in love. It happened very fast, without time to have long introductions nor romance. The decision was made before hands touched. And after it was made, it still took a while before we could come closer than sit behind a table drinking tea. Yet it is one beautiful story of a lone sailor who came for a day and when left, soon returned, came to my door and said that sailing had lost meaning and that he was staying until I was ready to accompany him in his life. I was ready to pack. He said better we wait and get to know one another on land. So now we do. Every day a bit more. Every day a bit closer. Everyday I am more in love. Happy - yes very much and it is a different kind of happiness, full of nice sensations of giving and receiving love. Sadness I do not know these days, only that at work I am completely out of inspiration and energy. Embarrassment is a part of the process, everyday I overcome a bit more, and these are big steps for me. 

Yesterday he started bringing all the food over to my house, the stuff he had bought for his many months long journey up the channels. And naturally he picked up on building the apartment - the place looks like a disaster again! 

Why should my brother not (be able to) see my face these days? Maybe, because I have kept something so important secret from him, yet in his dream he knows something is going on, so he asks. And I answer. And now I am able to look in his face again because I have nothing to hide.

A new person has come into my life, a new metamorphosis is taking place, a new journey is calling.